Student Symposiums

I'm currently in the middle of a two day symposium for the students. We all make a presentation of our work, and then show it to fellow students and any staff that happen to be floating around. I know this has been done before, but it honestly feels like speaking (and listening!) in code, especially having talked to all my friends before hand and heard the true stories behind the neat little slides. So here's the student version of what you say in a presentation (on the left) vs. what you actually mean (on the right):

In vivo	It works, but I don’t know why
In vitro	It works if I fiddle the salt concentration
In silico	The computer says it works!
It is known that	I’m sure I read a paper on this
It is thought that	My supervisor thinks that
It is generally thought that	The PostDoc agrees with the supervisor
It is believed that	I think that
Unpublished work by Dr. X shows that	My supervisors friends think that
Results were not conclusive…	It didn’t work
… despite multiple repetitions…	Didn’t work the second time either
…including work done by Dr. Y…	Still didn’t work when my supervisor did it
…and collaboration with Dr. X…	Or my supervisors friends
…and attempts at methods suggested by the literature…	IT IS SERIOUSLY NOT MY FAULT THAT THIS DIDN’T WORK
The results show	My correlations are good
The results indicate	My correlations are present
The results suggest	My correlations only work if you ignore the error bars
The results seem to suggest	I have no correlations
The results, although inconclusive, may be helpful…	I have no results